Movies like Valentine's Day and television shows like The Marriage Ref the worst things in entertainment.
Let's start with Valentine's Day. I have no problem with chick flicks. Often I find them to be quick and fun trips into the fantasy of true love. They can be cute, they can be funny, the can even be endearing at time (Good example: The Proposal; Worst Example: Bride Wars). No, these are not the films which are going to change the way anyone looks at the world, but this is not their intent. If I am in the right mood and mindset, I can enjoy most chick flicks. Even further, similar films which feature star-studded ensemble casts like Valentine's Day (ie. A Lot Like Love, He's Just Not That Into You) were fine. I left the theater/my living room feeling no better or worse than when I started the films. They were demonstrations in mediocrity. But they did manage to achieve some things which Valentine's Day could not, they at least seemed to a.) have a script that was looked over at least once b.) feature performances which appeared to be rehearsed c.) create characters which managed to seem slightly real and d.) wrap up the many stories semi-coherently. Valentine's Day was quite possibly the worst movie I can remember seeing. Even using the term movie is an injustice, it is more like a clip show of a terrible series you have never seen.
So what, who cares that I saw a terrible movie? The problem is what the movie represents. As I previously mentioned on the site, Valentine's Day received almost uniformly bad reviews, this is no surprise as most chick flicks do not review well. So let's go to the box office. As of today the worldwide box office gross revenue is tracking in at $154,562,703. What?! I'll let the opening weekend patrons off as they might not have seen the reviews or been able to hear from someone as to how bad the film was. The opening weekend brought in $56,260,707. That still leaves around $100 million after the word was out. What is happening here?
It only takes one look at the cast to figure it out: Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, Shirley MacLaine, Julia Roberts and Taylor Swift to name a few. Does it matter that the premise of the movie is ridiculous? Nope, that guy from The Hangover is in it. Does it matter that not one member of the cast gives an even slightly respectable performance? Nope, both the Jessicas are in it and they are hot. Does it matter that ever cliche is hit about seven times throughout the film? Nope, because Lautner and Swift are adorable together.
Remember back when each member of KISS released a solo album while the band was still together? The idea was that it would be like releasing four KISS albums at once, quadrupling sales! Turns out it didn't work that way and each solo album sold poorly. Same idea here. Jamie Foxx movies do well. Topher Grace movies do well. Anne Hathaway films do well. Well let's just throw them all together in bits and pieces of a film and put all their names on the marquee. The strange thing is that the KISS analogy ends there, Valentine's Day worked and it worked really well.
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The Marriage Ref could only hold my attention for the first segment. Actually, I lie. It held my attention for the first two minutes and then I continued to watch until the first commercial break more out of anger than anything. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Wait, I thought that Jerry Seinfeld had some sort of impact on this show? How did we get to this point?
For those of you who missed the breakthrough debut on NBC (And judging by the 14.5 million rating, not many of you missed it), here is the basic premise. Three celebrities sit on chairs in what looks like Jay Leno's old stage while watching clearly scripted "real" arguments from "normal" married couples. After the taped piece is concluded the celebrities are led by a nonsensical, unfunny "host" to make "funny" comments about the "normal" married couple in regards to the "real" arguments. These jokes come across about as smooth as they would on Hollywood Squares (Another show featuring celebrities reading poorly written jokes). The show combines the worst parts of a reality TV show, a late night talk show and a scripted comedy. They took the awful real-life activities and camera angles of the reality TV show. They took the uncomfortable pauses and awkward timing of a bad late night talk show interview. The took the cheesy jokes from a poorly written comedy. It was a train wreck.
I don't know if The Marriage Ref will succeed after the first few shows. Just as with Valentine's Day, the reviews have been consistently scathing but the ratings (or box office numbers) are great.
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Time to step back and recognize why these two examples are bad for entertainment as a whole. You see, these are not reality shows, this is not Keeping Up with the Kardashians or Tool Academy. I have no problems with that type of entertainment being celebrity driven. It is the reason why Dancing with the Stars works. We love celebrities and are interested in almost anything they do. What Valentine's Day and The Marriage Ref represent is the infiltration of this type of celebrity worship into every type of media. These works should not succeed. Movies and TV shows should only work if they have some sort of substance. These two examples do not. All they have are the celebrities. That's it and, unfortunately, it seems to be enough to succeed.
I do not want to live in a world where an unknown person can be featured on a reality show where they achieve their initial celebrity, then they do another more respected reality show, then they move into scripted TV, movies and music. At some point, celebrity needs to be earned. Keep the celebrity worship to TMZ, US Weekly, the E! network and VH1 shows. The world still needs a venue where works succeed based on their merits alone.
Until then, please enjoy the sequel to Valentine's Day, titled New Year's Eve. I wish I was joking.
GRM
