The Tiger Press Statement Scorecard

Come on media-sphere, did we need to pull out the complete arsenal of coverage for the Tiger Press Statement (Do not call it a Press Conference. Conference implies interaction. This was just a statement)? Yeah, I get it, local NBC/CBS/ABC affiliates aren't showing high quality programming at this time. No one is going to miss the Price is Right or the Rachael Ray Show or The People's Court. Well, stoners will be angry, but let's just say this wouldn't be considered a vocal minority (too lazy). So instead, at 11:00 AM Eastern Time, Eldrick "Tiger" Woods appeared in front of the backdrop from the local Chuck-E-Cheese to read a prepared four page statement. Three months of speculation, hyperbole, tabloid blowouts led up to a media judgment day. I'm not sure what the excitement was about. Tiger has never been a dynamic speaker, his popularity is tied solely to his aggressive and successful work on the golf course.

Why not judge the Tiger Press Statement on the terms he is used to. Stop trying to use the normal celebrity approach. Let's go to the scorecard:

Hole #1: Pre-Statement Handling: Par 4

Tiger's Score: Par

There is no shortage of handlers and press experts with their hands in the Tiger-pie. If I were judging the entire time from the incident to this statement, it would assuredly score an 8 or so. There was no reason why this event could not have been held months ago, unless there was actual damage to Tiger's face. Just focusing on the past few days, from the time the event was announced, the handlers have been grinding their gears. First, announce event, then explain the format, then release a sanctioned photo of the star running to demonstrate his continued good shape. Tiger fails to get the birdie on this hole because of the backlash for how neutered they tried to make the guest list (more on this in a bit).

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The Tiger Press Statement Scorecard

Taco Bell: Falling Off the Chuck Wagon

I hate to go off on a rant again (seeing as though yesterday I was not too kind to We Are the World: 25 for Haiti), but there are only so many times I can watch the new Taco Bell commercial without going insane. Of course, I am referring to the Charles Barkley ad named "Poem" which debuted during the Super Bowl (click here for my overall take on those particular commercials) and has been seemingly running on a constant loop ever since.

I thought nothing would be able to top the Gap Singing-Kids commercial in my least favorite, most addicting, idiotic corporate songs. Sadly, Taco Bell has done it after only a couple months. Here are the lyrics, in all their glory:

The five buck box, it rocks, it rocks

It rocks for a meal, with lots and lots

It rocks for a jock

It rocks for a fox

It rocks blocking shots on guys with dreadlocks

What comes in this box, this box that rocks?

A cheesy Gordita Crunch to munch.

We are sweet for Burritos Supreme.

A Crunchy Taco and a Cinnamon Twists.

Both on the list, and wait let me think, an ice cold drink.

That is lots and lots in just one box.

And its only five bucks.

And that’s why it rocks.

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Taco Bell: Falling Off the Chuck Wagon

We Are the World: 25 Years Better?

There are only a few moments in time that represent such a perfect storm of entertainment. Elvis on The Milton Berle Show. The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show. The Micheal Jackson - Lisa Marie Presley kiss on the MTV Video Music Awards.

On Friday, another moment was chiseled in time on this Mount Rushmore. We were all lucky enough to be given the We Are the World: 25 for Haiti remake (song begins at 1:06). As I watched it for the first time, I immediately understood the significance of the event. It was all just too good to be true. The subsequent twenty or so views have left me with some thoughts.

* I find the entire effort from everyone involved with the We Are the World: 25 for Haiti project genuine and completely respectable. Please do not take my comments to be in any way against the cause and the resulting proceeds for the relief effort. It was truly a treat to have so many great artists come together for an important cause.

The original performance was a seminal moment in pop culture, aid work and society as a whole. The ensemble cast was breathtaking. The production of the video was spine-tingling. The actual performances were terrific. Sadly, 25 years passed by and the new version lost its way somehow. 

1.) The Lineup

The original busted through your stereo or TV with the following artists before the first chorus: Lionel Richie followed by Stevie Wonder followed by Paul Simon followed by Kenny Rogers followed by James Ingram followed by Tina Turner followed by Billy Joel.

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We Are the World: 25 Years Better?