Quitting As the First Step

I just quit my job.

Really. Like fifteen minutes ago. I stepped out of my boss' office after a thirty minute meeting and left without a job. Now the following thoughts are running through my head:

1.) What the hell is wrong with you? Have you seen the unemployment numbers? You are insane.

2.) Man, am I relieved.

This change was a few months in the making, but really it can be traced back to high school. Let's take a look at the 'path' take by hundreds of thousands of wide-eyed young people starting when they are a mere 17 or 18 years old.

Junior Year (high school): Begin testing periods to qualify for college (I did well SAT:1320 ACT:31)

Senior Year (high school): Make final decision on university (Bowling Green State University, a fine school)

Freshman Year (college): Choose major (Sports Management)

Sophomore Year (college): Change major (Accounting and Finance, dual major)

Junior Year (college): Find internship (a well-known personal finance firm)

Senior Year (college): Begins job search (job fairs, websites, networking)

Post-Graduation: Find job, STAT! (...)

Early Career: Do the hard work which will pay off later (See below)

This is where I find myself now. 

Put your head down, Glenn. Do the work, Glenn. Just think about the life you will have in 15 to 20 years? You will have the financial freedom and the flexibility to live the life you desire. 

15 to 20 years of work before I can start living the life I want? Um, something doesn't sit right with me. The entire purpose of life should be to find a lifestyle that makes you feel fulfilled, right?. Why do we, as a society, continue to perpetuate an environment in which lifeless drones work their 9-5 jobs they hate only so they can enjoy themselves later in life? On principal it is comparable to saving money. I wish to have more money later, so I will save some today. I will let interest and the markets do their job and my money will be worth more in twenty years than it is worth today. The reason this same concept cannot be used with 'time' is that there is no interest gained on life not lived.

No matter what you do with your time today, it is worth, at most, the same as your time later in life. In reality (depending on your age), the time now is worth more than it is worth later simply because you can do more at a younger age. It is all well and good to have time in retirement to enjoy yourself, but at what cost? The only reason to put off enjoyment today would be to ensure more enjoyment in the future. This is surely not how it generally works. Just look at the people all around you. The young people are working 80 hour weeks at the detriment of friends, family and fun. The middle agers are working 75 hour weeks, with more responsibilities, at the detriment of friends, family, fun and health. The near retirees are still working 50 hour weeks and worrying about whether they can afford to retire. Those 'lucky' enough to retire are often the saddest of the bunch. They have lived their entire lives in hopes of reaching the mecca that is retirement so they could finally enjoy themselves. Sadly, they either have no way to fill the void where work resided for fifty years or they are in poor health and cannot truly enjoy themselves.

So what is going on here? How can we accept this model? I fell into the trap despite knowing the outcome. The social and economical pressures are intense. Graduate and then...what?. The choices are 1.) go back to school 2.) find a low level position and hopefully climb up the corporate ladder 3.) move back in with the parents. More and more often now, option 1 is becoming the most attractive. I was not on this track. I was ready for the real world; ready to break away from the insulated world of academia. I was well read, well learned and had an overall optimistic worldview. I sent out the resumes. I went to the job fairs. I had the followup interviews. I spit out the same answers that thousands of my peers spat out all over the country. Higher education is pumping out a never-ending supply of non-dynamic robotic 'managers', ready to be unpacked from their box and slotted into any nameless corporation, quite like a new sofa from IKEA. This is not a diatribe against the failures of the educational system in America (this can be for another day). It is more of a complaint against the supposed normal 'route' for a young college graduate.

After not finding a job for the first few months out of school, I found myself becoming stressed. What if I can't find a job? I'm moving to Chicago in a few weeks and the plan was to be starting a job when I got there. What will people say if I move out there without a job? I was grasping for an oar as I drowned in my own mentally-created whirlpool of doubt. The only way out of this spiral was to say 'yes' to whatever came my way. It turned out that I grabbed onto a very strong oar. I will not go into who I have been working for because I respect the company and they do not need to be involved. Fortune 500 company, named on all the 'Best Places to Work For' lists, highly regarded as leaders in training within the industry. Hey, for a wild grab at whatever came my way, it turned out pretty well. Things were looking good. 

Training went along without a hitch. I passed my regulatory exams, I passed the internal exams, I did everything asked of me. The position was as flexible as anyone could ask for as an entry-level worker and the pay was fine. 

The next step was to actual start performing my job. 

The next step also brought along with it corporate culture, quotas, commissions, ethics discussions, conference calls, leadership teams, regional meetings, area meetings, group meetings, PowerPoint presentations, expense forms, cost cutting measures, company-wide initiatives, pay rate freezes, nonsensical metaphors, compliance nightmares, mentors, above-expectations, path to success, etc.

You do not know where I worked know exactly where I worked. Not by name, mind you, but by the internal makeup, you 'know'. I am no expert in corporate culture, I do not claim to be, but I have heard enough stories to know that my situation is exactly the same as almost every experience by my peers. 

The pay is bad, the work is exhausting, the respect is low. But hold steady, this part of the job will only last a few years.

You know what? I don't have a few years. I want to enjoy my life now. I want to enjoy myself in five years. I want to enjoy myself in fifty years.

For two months, I knew where this job was going to lead. There was only really one path for me and it led to me resigning (always sounds better than quitting). The only question was whether the path was going to end now or in two years or in ten years. How long could I suck it up and be part of the machine? How long could I remain unhappy in my own life? For me, it was two months. And it was two months too long. The post-enthusiasm worker is the worst worker. I couldn't do this to my employer anymore as I had (and still have) great respect for its model and everyone involved. My problem was not with the company I was working for, my problem was with myself. It was the classic "it's not you, its me" situation, just this time it wasn't a breakup with a significant other. 

If you have never left a job on your own terms, you might imagine it to be easier than it really is. To step into a boss' office and explain you are leaving takes a certain amount of, for the lack of a better word, balls. The easier way out is to collect the check while your heart is no longer in it. Become a drone, pick up weekly check, maintain safety net of employment. The unknown of unemployment is never the easy option. 

Today, I cut the cord. I left the nameless corporation. The trip to the head office where I needed to go to tender my resignation was a tense one, for sure. (Looking back, I am unsure as to why it is a stressful time, it is not as if the boss can really say anything. The worst that can happen is disappointment and possibly anger.) My resignation meeting was without incident. It was calm on both ends. I did not burn a single bridge on the way out. My boss left the door open for a return to the company if the time was ever right and even volunteered to be a reference moving forward. And with that my career was over. A cacophony of emotions ran through my head; and then, nothing.

I am 22 years old and I am having a mid-life crisis.

I am 22 years old and I am ready to start living my life on my terms. I am ready to find a 'path' in life that is fulfilling. A 'path' which leads to happy mornings, to flexibility, to life worth living. 

Quitting was just the beginning.

GRM

Quitting As the First Step